saturday afternoon. with nicole!

ok, so me and my friend just came back from having brunch and a little shopping. Brunch at double-ditch was th most amazing meal i have had to date in Edinburgh. they GET IT. friendly staff, great food, reasonable prices. 2 scrambled eggs on a toasted roll, garlic skinny fries, full rocket and arugula and black olive salad with peppers, french onion soup, ham and cheese baguette, goat cheese, 2 diet cokes and a tea. £15.80. (for both of us). sweet, friendly staff (did i mention before?). and even BETTER: smoke free. GO SPEND MONEY AT DOUBLE DUTCH. It is on the corner of Potterow and W Nicolson.

It's only recently I've realised that I don;t go out much, even to restaurants or to coffee houses because of all the f*ing smoke. i used to smoke, and for the record: I AM GENUININLY AND TRULY SORRY AND OFFER SINCERE, HEARTFELT APOLOGIES TO ANYONE I OFFENDED BY SMOKING, MENTALLY-SPIRITUALLY-PHYSICALLY. especially physically. smoking is the most disgusting, selfish, obnoxious thing a person can do. smoking "sections" are bullshit. smokers don;t want to be reminded of how deadly and gross their habit is, so instead of walking outside and killing themselves alone, they infect the rest of us. i've gone into get masked potatoes at places, or coffee, and had to leave because some idiot in the corner is puffing away - offending and effectively helping the 30 other people in the room get closer to cancer. WAKE UP SCOTLAND! want to be seen as a cultural capital and center for the arts, a place of progress and beauty??? CLEAR YOUR AIR!

now on to shopping. i really, Really, REALLY want to like it here. i've met some really nice people, but I must say, i'd rather be caught in the middle of a crowd of rude New Yorkers at rushhour in grand central than try to shop on princes street on saturday. i've foudn the people at supposed 'ned' venues much more hospitable and genrally likable than at supposed 'posh' places. walking through harvey nichols was a minefield of arrogance. everyone there (except my friend G) is 'waiting for guffman'. if these people ever did find an actual reason to live, i think NHS would be overrun with post-shock victims. nikki says don;t worry about it - and i'm not now that i;ve said my peace to a potential million people.

the people in the armani exchange were lovely though. i was looking at a belt buckle (nice fancy one) and the lady there actually crawled up into the window and took down a girls one for me to try (no gender issues here). thank you, GA folks. jonathon lewis is a bizarre store. overrun with people wandering aimlessly. i used to be somebody too! nikky bought a hideous string of fairy light with black-flower lampshades. ahem. ok, they are kinda kitsch ;)

so the summation of today might be: "Hey Edinburgh, decide what you want to be!" Big fish in small ponds start to rot and stink after a while. especially when there's plenty of fresh water ready to expand the lake, if you'd wake up to it.

tomorrow i am going to the biggest boot sale outside the city. i'll let you know how that goes.

love

martin

recant

ok. I am speaking to my mentor in new york city. i'm reminded how happy i am to be here. "they don't care" according to madame folliet. moving along...
x
m

why?

really f*ing down today. so homesick for NY and my friends I can't barely stand it. this school is disorganized. good at taking your money, but poor on follow up. i live in utter chaos. they billed this residence as a decent accomodation for a 'mature' students but that was a lie. i get woke up every single morning by either my roomates, the stupid cunts downstairs, a fire test or something. i am so sick of politically correct multiculturalism. WHEN IN ROME motherfuckers.

on the academic front, i like some of the courses, but they've accelerated the schedule to fit undergrads _insert reason__________ so we are rushing huge disseration preliminaries in, and then sit here with no structured course for 6 months. then we wait another 4 months to graduate. i dunno. i just. don't. know.

all i can say today is that if i were offered the wish to *poof* be back in my east village apartment, enrolled in city college and have my life back...i just. don't. know.

the world is preparing for war. i must keep this in mind.

love

m

falling out of my chair

because my dear professor, who like me is a geneology nut, has forwarded some information to me - very quite frankly possibly linking up my family tree on one side to two lads who sailed for the new world:
((Ship "Edinburgh" voyage from Campbeltown, Scotland to Cape Fear, North Carolina in 1770 and to Island of St. Johns (Prince Edward Island) in 1771))
now that is a Montgomery connection. if I add in the Gunn's, Haigler's, Huntley's and all my family surnames...it don't take much for scotland to take on a fresher, different, familiar air.

love

martin

i need a…?

there are no more heroes in this world. we
have to become them for ourselves. Mine
is out there - probably in another
dimension. i've been waiting all these
years. not a savior, a hero. sometimes in a dream…
it's all pure potential.


love

martin


©2005

what do you say?

i remember the last time I saw my grandfather alive. and my grandma. and my other grandfather- who, incidentally said goodbye by thanking me for all i'd done/tried to do for him. and my friend Billy. and my friend Paige. and even others who aren;t dead - all people who've moved on or disappeared in one way or another.

i just got off the phone with another one. a friend from NYC who I've spent more collective time on the phone with than probably anyone else. lots of hours. talked me through my first aids test. i shared the death of his father. in fact i can count on two hands the times we hung out in the past 5 years, but I couldn't dare begin to count the life episodes we did on the phone.

he's at rock bottom. lots of fully plausible reasons. he drinks to take the pain away. he's lost his house. he's very depressed, more than he's ever let on even. tomorrow he may go into a hospital for 28 days. or he might go to the AA meeting for help tonight. or he may sit, paralyzed, in the apartment until the landlady finally tells him he has to go. i just, right now, had that funny feeling again. the time you know it may well be the last time.

love

martin

boys don;t cry?

yes we do:
when Apple scams us for more money to fix a laptop they shipped broken
when you live above neanderthals
when you watch the news. Bush? hrmmm - a song comes to mind, an Abba song... Water... Loo...?

but we get happy when we make plans to go to France and chase the dead in Charleville. the communards before the band. yeeeeeeeeeeeeeAH!

love,

martin