Saturday, May 14, 2005

asshole? how big?

Ok. So my old ibook, g3 600mhz is dead. the logicboard finally died. and i've been acting like i lost a best friend or something, although i been hating the hell out of that machine for a year now. and i didn;t want to hate it. really. i wanted very much to like it. but they made it wrong. like me. a wire loose or somthing. so, while i can rant on & on day in/day out abotu how i think it should have worked, etc. i actually had compassion for a thing that never had a chance from the gitgo. which actually made me more angry at the people that made it. unlike humans, like me, (i think) we can work around our circuitry to a large extent. machines can't. poor things! which bring sme to my next question:

WHY THE FUCK ARE WE RELYING ON THESE THINGS TO RUN OUR WORLD? I am absolutley amazed at my own reaction to the fact that a piece of metal, lump of plastic and carbide battery stopped working, and upset me to no end. I've gone through the equivalent of a mourning process for a pet rabbit on this. And what makes me even more upset is the facat that the few clowns at the top of this silicon food-chain have engineered their products and the indistry so that people like me, (meaning anyone with a pulse) becomes so hooked and so reliant on their products and systems that we equate inanimate, faulty machines with our own phsysiological species.

Now, you may see where i might be going with this. So I won't go too far. But safe it to say, that right now I am thinking about all the kids, on this sunny afternoon, sitting in their airless, musty, feet-smelling bedrooms with their tv's on, chat lines going and video games cranking. I'm thinking of all the lonely people, sometimes myself included, who, instead of getting out into life and meeting a new friend, are convinced that IRC and JPEGS are sufficient.

Like lambs for the slaughter, we upload our lives onto these things. Our bank accounts are direct-debited into oblivion. Our work is archived somewhere in Switzerland, probably in the same vault as the the remaining Nazi gold. And then, the 'official line' is some philosophical comparison to the dawn of television, radio or some other technology...and reassurance that man will triumph over his own inventions of self-infliction. Let's get one thing crystal clear, straight and pristeenly accurate: the only people this technology is ultimately serving, in the manner it is proported to provide, are the ones at the top who are making it.

I don't think my Grandfather worshipped his tractor. I know my Great Grandmother never bowed at the altar of the automobile. My other Grandmother threw out her TV, and blissfully talked abotu how she enjoyed the peace and quiet for the 30 years following, along with the newspaper, books and visits with friends.

I'm not trying to advocate a luddite revolution. But my god ladies and gentlmen, these things are tools. Nothing more, nothing less. I used to tell this to people I taught desktop publishing to every day, and they didn't believe me. However I believe, thaty if we demanded some price controls in the computer industry - or at least some non-monopolization and price-fixing statutes and that the manufacturers stand behind their products, it would be a start. Second, if we, the consumer, started refusing to give out our bank details to greedy companies, demanded immediate action for servcies not rendered and denying access to every inch of our lives, now I'd call that progress. What's wrong with paying in cash??? The chances of getting mugged or robbed by another human being is far less than the chances of getting mugeed and robbed for faulty services, add-on fees and corporate mistakes.

One of the most liberating things I've doen in years: Balling up my right hand into a fist, raising it high into the air, and smashing it down onto my old laptop, through the keyboard, flattening the hard drive. The bruises are less painful than the rejection of a faulty piece of machinery.

Friday, May 06, 2005

DONT BUY APPLES

ok. Apple computer has always had the best systems hands down. someone over there understands human beings, how they work and how they need operate. Now that's the end of praise.

Apple computer is also the biggest price-gouging, non-supportive, bait & switch to ever hit the markets. read on.

The Hardware Scheme: Produce a superior product, charge three times too much for it. Offer slightly scaled-down models just within reach of most consumers pocketbooks, then refuse any real tech support and limit functionality. Create an advertising atmosphere that makes your customers uncool, unhip and out of the loop to own or use a product more than 1 season old.

The Software Scam: Release buggy, unperfected software (OS 8.1 Hooray!, OS 9 Wahoo! OS X Yeeay! OX 10.3 Yippee) and give it sexy names like 'Jaguar' 'Panther' & now 'Tiger'. Charge a fortune for it. Make it just too big to fit on the affordable models of computers or any hardware more than six months old. Force loyal customers to upgrade hardware (See: 'The Hardware Scheme' above).

Finally, fix all the bugs after the loyal, now upgraded customers have done all your QA and testing for you, and like lambs for the slaughter, uploaded the information to your web site. Release a new upgrade. Charge for it. Repeat.

The Support Swindle: Add to the company coffers by selling "Applecare' insurance policies, then make it nearly impossible to make a claim.

In my humble opinion, Apple Computers is akin to an organized drug-dealer syndicate. And the Columbian-style Computer Kingpin at the helm would be Steve Jobs. People love charts, how's about a wee comparison shall we?

...................................Drug Dealer...........Apple Computers
Sells a product by means
of addiction, compulsion
or manipulating a real
or psychological need...............................X.................................X

Doesn't offer, make good
on or provide real support
after the sale.....................X.................................X

Leaves customer helpless
in times of crisis or
abandons them totally
if consumer cannot
afford the latest product.............................X.................................X

Product (or lack therof)
causes serious ramifications:
loss of productivity and/or
work time; psychological/
stress-related and/or
physical damage..................X.................................X

Value of product
disentegrates after use...................................X.................................X

So there you have it. Draw your own conclusions. I, for one, resent like hell being gouged unconsentually. I also resent buying something, anything, in good faith that it will work, and the value be somewhere in the same neighborhood as the price I paid - only to discover the skew is steeper than Mount Kilimanjaro.

Which brings to mind a few other things that might fit our little perverted study here... Cars, tobacco, alcohol, maybe even fast food? And is it any surprise that the manufacturers of these products support the likes of King George W. Bush? - but that's another essay.

The Moral of the Story: All retailers know that if a customer has a good experience (which is rare these days) they tend to tell 1 other person. If they have a bad experience, they tend to tell 10 people. So, I think there are plenty more than 10 who read me. DONT BUY APPLE.

Think it doesn't work? Ask the 14 year old boy who put up a website condemning Apple for engineering the batteries in the Ipods to expire, permanently, after a certain period of time. (They actually thought we'd all just run out and buy a new one).

m