asshole? how big?

Ok. So my old ibook, g3 600mhz is dead. the logicboard finally died. and i've been acting like i lost a best friend or something, although i been hating the hell out of that machine for a year now. and i didn;t want to hate it. really. i wanted very much to like it. but they made it wrong. like me. a wire loose or somthing. so, while i can rant on & on day in/day out abotu how i think it should have worked, etc. i actually had compassion for a thing that never had a chance from the gitgo. which actually made me more angry at the people that made it. unlike humans, like me, (i think) we can work around our circuitry to a large extent. machines can't. poor things! which bring sme to my next question:

WHY THE FUCK ARE WE RELYING ON THESE THINGS TO RUN OUR WORLD? I am absolutley amazed at my own reaction to the fact that a piece of metal, lump of plastic and carbide battery stopped working, and upset me to no end. I've gone through the equivalent of a mourning process for a pet rabbit on this. And what makes me even more upset is the facat that the few clowns at the top of this silicon food-chain have engineered their products and the indistry so that people like me, (meaning anyone with a pulse) becomes so hooked and so reliant on their products and systems that we equate inanimate, faulty machines with our own phsysiological species.

Now, you may see where i might be going with this. So I won't go too far. But safe it to say, that right now I am thinking about all the kids, on this sunny afternoon, sitting in their airless, musty, feet-smelling bedrooms with their tv's on, chat lines going and video games cranking. I'm thinking of all the lonely people, sometimes myself included, who, instead of getting out into life and meeting a new friend, are convinced that IRC and JPEGS are sufficient.

Like lambs for the slaughter, we upload our lives onto these things. Our bank accounts are direct-debited into oblivion. Our work is archived somewhere in Switzerland, probably in the same vault as the the remaining Nazi gold. And then, the 'official line' is some philosophical comparison to the dawn of television, radio or some other technology...and reassurance that man will triumph over his own inventions of self-infliction. Let's get one thing crystal clear, straight and pristeenly accurate: the only people this technology is ultimately serving, in the manner it is proported to provide, are the ones at the top who are making it.

I don't think my Grandfather worshipped his tractor. I know my Great Grandmother never bowed at the altar of the automobile. My other Grandmother threw out her TV, and blissfully talked abotu how she enjoyed the peace and quiet for the 30 years following, along with the newspaper, books and visits with friends.

I'm not trying to advocate a luddite revolution. But my god ladies and gentlmen, these things are tools. Nothing more, nothing less. I used to tell this to people I taught desktop publishing to every day, and they didn't believe me. However I believe, thaty if we demanded some price controls in the computer industry - or at least some non-monopolization and price-fixing statutes and that the manufacturers stand behind their products, it would be a start. Second, if we, the consumer, started refusing to give out our bank details to greedy companies, demanded immediate action for servcies not rendered and denying access to every inch of our lives, now I'd call that progress. What's wrong with paying in cash??? The chances of getting mugged or robbed by another human being is far less than the chances of getting mugeed and robbed for faulty services, add-on fees and corporate mistakes.

One of the most liberating things I've doen in years: Balling up my right hand into a fist, raising it high into the air, and smashing it down onto my old laptop, through the keyboard, flattening the hard drive. The bruises are less painful than the rejection of a faulty piece of machinery.

DONT BUY APPLES

ok. Apple computer has always had the best systems hands down. someone over there understands human beings, how they work and how they need operate. Now that's the end of praise.

Apple computer is also the biggest price-gouging, non-supportive, bait & switch to ever hit the markets. read on.

The Hardware Scheme: Produce a superior product, charge three times too much for it. Offer slightly scaled-down models just within reach of most consumers pocketbooks, then refuse any real tech support and limit functionality. Create an advertising atmosphere that makes your customers uncool, unhip and out of the loop to own or use a product more than 1 season old.

The Software Scam: Release buggy, unperfected software (OS 8.1 Hooray!, OS 9 Wahoo! OS X Yeeay! OX 10.3 Yippee) and give it sexy names like 'Jaguar' 'Panther' & now 'Tiger'. Charge a fortune for it. Make it just too big to fit on the affordable models of computers or any hardware more than six months old. Force loyal customers to upgrade hardware (See: 'The Hardware Scheme' above).

Finally, fix all the bugs after the loyal, now upgraded customers have done all your QA and testing for you, and like lambs for the slaughter, uploaded the information to your web site. Release a new upgrade. Charge for it. Repeat.

The Support Swindle: Add to the company coffers by selling "Applecare' insurance policies, then make it nearly impossible to make a claim.

In my humble opinion, Apple Computers is akin to an organized drug-dealer syndicate. And the Columbian-style Computer Kingpin at the helm would be Steve Jobs. People love charts, how's about a wee comparison shall we?

...................................Drug Dealer...........Apple Computers
Sells a product by means
of addiction, compulsion
or manipulating a real
or psychological need...............................X.................................X

Doesn't offer, make good
on or provide real support
after the sale.....................X.................................X

Leaves customer helpless
in times of crisis or
abandons them totally
if consumer cannot
afford the latest product.............................X.................................X

Product (or lack therof)
causes serious ramifications:
loss of productivity and/or
work time; psychological/
stress-related and/or
physical damage..................X.................................X

Value of product
disentegrates after use...................................X.................................X

So there you have it. Draw your own conclusions. I, for one, resent like hell being gouged unconsentually. I also resent buying something, anything, in good faith that it will work, and the value be somewhere in the same neighborhood as the price I paid - only to discover the skew is steeper than Mount Kilimanjaro.

Which brings to mind a few other things that might fit our little perverted study here... Cars, tobacco, alcohol, maybe even fast food? And is it any surprise that the manufacturers of these products support the likes of King George W. Bush? - but that's another essay.

The Moral of the Story: All retailers know that if a customer has a good experience (which is rare these days) they tend to tell 1 other person. If they have a bad experience, they tend to tell 10 people. So, I think there are plenty more than 10 who read me. DONT BUY APPLE.

Think it doesn't work? Ask the 14 year old boy who put up a website condemning Apple for engineering the batteries in the Ipods to expire, permanently, after a certain period of time. (They actually thought we'd all just run out and buy a new one).

m

terror? terrifying.

it's 1:10am. Mayday. May day. May 1. I can't stop thinking about some email I got this week. An aquaintance in down south that I know from New York has been getting phone calls from the right-wing bible hacks trying to convince him and his lover that queers are responsible for the downfall of America. The senate republicans are attempting to suspend the rules of the government to put their cronies in place without due process. by all definitions, this should be a constitutional crises, an aggressive attempt to suspend the government. but it's explained away in a sound bite. this is exactly the methods used by adolf hitler.

the thing that is the most terrifying thing to me these days is the fact that an entire generation has been shifted. Shifted in time, and memory. The average young person, in America especially, only knows the world from the contemprary, tv/pop/sensational perspective. They have no clue about global history or politics, they can't even tell you who Churchill, FDR, or Stalin were in any detail. They couldn't name a song by Billie Holiday or Peggy Lee or Johnny Cash if their lives depended on it. They couldn't distinguish the work of Kuindzhi from Kipling. They accept the establishment, as owned by the corporations, as dictated by the nightly news, cheap pop culture and advertisers.

It's all down to the latest sound bite. tonight i believe that the world is on the brink of war. i think that the old alliances are crumbling and we've given over to a machine that cannot sustain it's own treachery.

Blank minds. Empty hearts. Greedy appetites.

Fascism:
A system of government marked by centralization of authority under a dictator, stringent socioeconomic controls, suppression of the opposition through terror and censorship, and typically a policy of belligerent nationalism and racism.

m

Blow THIS Edinburgh

ok, so I'm just in my local hardware store buying stainless steel polish for the new-to-me sink where I live and the news *flash* comes on the radio: "PUB OWNERS LOBBY MSP OVER SMOKING BAN SAYING THE FINANCIAL IMPACT WILL DESTROY BUSINESSES"

Then, the announcer lady repeats the statement and has a pub owner come on, who says: "Edinburgh has one of the best pub cultures in Scotland, and the smoking ban will destroy this delicate culture..."

Before I go on, I will, yet again, admit I am a former smoker, and yes, one of the worst you'll ever meet. Again, I APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE I harmed, annoyed, poisoned and burned with my second-hand smoke and cigarettes.

Now, SCOTLAND: Here again, you're at the goal post, decide what you want to be!

It's not so much that I advocate dismantling a culture in favor of some new progressive agenda. I hate yuppies and progressive agendas. But I also hate lies and liars. The tobacco industry got everyone hooked, and profits on our misery. Tobacco and alcohol kill more people each year than most major diseases & car crashes. some more FACTS:

1. The club/bar/pub owners in L.A., Dublin and New York claimed a smoking ban would destroy their businesses. FALSE. They actually increased in each city.

2. Smokers claim there is some mystic cultural connection to smoking and nightlife. FALSE. The majority of club goers don't smoke.

3. You stink. TRUE.
(You don't know cause you can't smell your own filth).

4. Your streets stink. TRUE.
(Shall we talk about tourist revenue?)

5. Smoking is one of the most SELFISH habits on the planet. TRUE.
(Shall we talk about all the non-smokers you affect in restaurants who are trying to eat, or children on the street who are trying to just, well, play?)

6. Smoking will kill you. TRUE.
(Just like with alcoholism & drug addiction smoking addiction is a FATAL DISEASE unless arrested.)

7. The companies that make the money, off your cigarettes, non-smokers' discomfort and health problems, and ultimately your death - are the same companies who keep people like George W. Bush in power. TRUE.

So, you've heard it all before I'm sure. I also heard alot about 'a new era for Scotland' when you opened your parliament. I, for one, have been here since last September and can count on two hands the times I've been in your pubs. Why? Ask the three smokers sitting in the corner, clouding the air for the entire rest of the establishment who are non-smokers. Shall you begin?

If someone came up to you and forced you to take alcohol, you'd probably have a problem with them. Or inhale gas fumes. Or inject heroin. Or drink drain cleaner. Well, that's exactly what you're doing to others when you BLOW OUT to the rest of the world. Selfish fucks. And then have the audacity to get annoyed when people tell you to stop.

God forbid we should destroy your cancer culture.


love,

m

QAF: The Big Media Sham (And you bought it - again)

TO THE EDITOR
Re: ARTICLE: Charles Kaiser "QAF" "That's A Wrap"

http://www.planetout.com/entertainment/news/?sernum=1015

The US Version of Queer As Folk did nothing more than further marginalize an already crippled community in America. Mr. Kaiser would have us believe that because gays were paraded as minstrals by Showtime for the American public to gasp at - that some sort of liberation took place. Showtime made its money, the "lets-all-act-like-everybody-else" queers had another reason to party, HIV infections are still on the rise (especially in young people) and crystal meth use is off the hook. How about a few more episodes about liberated back-rooms to finish the bill!?!

I have no problem with the fact that Showtime is a TV network in search of profit, but what they and misguided bleeding-hearts like Mr. Kaiser need to stop doing is trying to subsidize the media machine by claiming it serves some sort of greater social prupose - it doesn't.

I'll never forget the LGBT Exposition a few years back in New York City, where a big draw was "Meet the Cast of QAF!". Uh-Huh. The dazzled gays waited in line for hours, only to pay Showtime promoters fifty dollars per head to shake hands with a straight dude. My advice: take twenty-five bucks and keep for yourself, donate the other half to your favorite charity - then get out from behind the computer and take a walk around your block - there are plenty of straight dudes to shake hands with. And the best part, you don't have to change one darn thing about yourself.

A noted gay author/academic, Byrne Fone, once asserted to me that "Gay men are not simply straight men who just happen to suck cock". I tend to agree. Forget 'Assimilate'. How about 'Integrate'? The latter doesn't require you to transform into a circus clown in order to be accepted, but does require a hint of personal effort. No TV required.

Martin B

walking alone

ok. last summer i was sitting in the parking lot of the caribou coffee shop in my grandma's car in north fucking carolina, scared out of my wits, about to come to scotland, when they announced green day's new one "american idiot". i celebrated. spilled my caribou freezer. called my friend who never calls me back.

i've waited until now to download the entire album. yes I fucking said 'al-bum'. i waited because I was afraid. afraid of the fact that I've loved these guys forever. hung out in their dressing room (fun fun) once. they played our club twice. billie joe asked me if i was a drag queen. i waited because i didn't want to ruin a perfect love affair. i waited because while i was busy growing up the past couple of years the boys were growing up. billie got fat and then not and tre is still a fag then not. and I moved on. so did schmidt and misstress and pat and guy and don and kevin and carl and adrienne and greta and duard and jack (rest his soul) and steven t and stevin (azo) and stephen (sprouse) and coyote and lily and debbie and all of them. I still have my tattoo from 7am that monday morning - a truly green day. but now, i must say, to whatever soul ends up reading this, that:

I haven't been this excited about an ALBUM since i used to come home from the record store, surgically remove the saran wrap off my new queen, blondie, pretenders or new to me james brown album and devour every lyric, and polystyrenous morsel. or since patrick (briggs who introduced my o bj,t,m) did psychotica before brian ripped him off. pat new something. if see this fucking call me motherfucker. i miss you. but anyway, for the first time in a long time, a rock band is SAYING SOMETHING. and there's MUSIC involved. TOP music.

love,

american idiot martin

thursday

sitting here. the weeks blowing by. friend from ny just visited. drove around scotland. wonderful. wodnerful. fortunate. friendly. happy time. worries of the finality of this little adventure loom. should i stay or shoudl i go can i stay or should i go stay where go where. let go let go let go let go let go. i didn't even get the photo up for my last post. lovely. thursday aint quite friday. not there yet. aint quit monday or tuesday - the rush isn't building. thursday is halfway 'to' monday. rushing-where?